The Chemicals Between Us - Published December 2007
Love is truly an original emotion indeed. Philosophers indicate that the biggest human desire is simply to love and be loved. There are many different facets to love - platonic, familial, and altruic love, just to name a few. Then there's romantic love. And that particular aspect alone makes love the deadliest four letter word that comes to mind in my humble opinion. One is allowed an incredulous response if I may go so far as to suggest that being in love can be interpreted as a form of cruel and unusual punishment. But jokes aside I do however have an immense respect for the sentiment. Think of the things that have been done in history out of this particular type of love. The infamous but ill-fated pairing of Cleopatra and Marc Anthony who wed in secret and had designs on the Roman Empire. Marc Anthony however fell on his own sword after receiving false information of Cleopatra's death. She in turn left her fate to the bite of an asp. Paris, the young price of Troy and Helen who's face is said to have launched a thousand ship. Shah Jahan Bahadur and his impassioned tribute of the Taj Mahal to his late wife Mumtaz Mahal.
No other theme in life has had more songs, art or literature dedicated to it. Many an enlightened person has stated that there is a fine line between love and madness. The concept of soul-mates has been carefully considered since the beginning of time and who isn't familiar with Shakesphere's tale of star-crossed lovers Romeo And Juliet? As Hugh Grant mused in a movie not too long ago, "Love, actually, is all around."
But what happens to us when we first meet the object of our affection? That initial rush of attraction is usually nothing more than bodily biochemistry. Eye contact and body language are all related to science.
We tend to make more eye contact with visuals that we find pleasing. This is especially true in individuals that we become attracted to. Our pupils tend to dialate to indicate interest or excitement. Studies have shown that we tend to be attracted to prospective mates who's pupils dialate in return when eye contact is made. A group of men were shown two photographs of the same woman and were asked to select which picture they preferred. The photos were exactly the same with one minor adjustment. The woman's pupils had been slightly enlarged in one of them - and this was the one that was selected as a clear favorite.
It was then with great interest that I read this article on the BBC science and nature site :
"New York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying the dynamics of what happens when people fall in love. He has shown that the simple act of staring into each other's eyes has a powerful impact.
He asked two complete strangers to reveal to each other intimate details about their lives. This carried on for an hour and a half. The two strangers were then made to stare into each others eyes without talking for four minutes. Afterwards many of his couples confessed to feeling deeply attracted to their opposite number and two of his subjects even married afterwards."
The display of body language is an art all onto itself. Men stand straighter and chests are puffed out for the strong alpha male effect. Women tend to play with their hair and draw attention to their lips and necks. Body language communicates over 50% of what we are trying to get across. Less than 40% is from our voice and tone of speaking alone and a tiny 7% is of what we are actually saying. This is why you'll probably know if you fancy someone anywhere from 90 seconds to 4 minutes of your first encounter.
Both sexes will also mirror and copy each other's behavior to a certain degree. This strongly suggests that we like people who remind us of ourselves or whom we regard as being on the same level as us.
There is also something known as the eyebrow flash when we become attracted to someone. It happens at the speed of one fifth of a second so you're not to blame if you've never noticed it. All quite subconscious, this. Another telltale sign of sexual attraction is to simply note where one's body is leaning or pointing towards. Arms, feet and toes all indicate towards a person we find attractive and while we may not be looking directly at or conversing with them, that body language does all the communicating. Playing hard to get is probably not the best idea and if it used to be part of your game plan then perhaps you should nix that. Research suggest that playing hard to get doesn't usually work. However, there is a strong theory to show that we tend to become attracted to individuals who are hard to get for everyone else, but easy for us to get. An exclusive deal, in a manner of speaking.
Men tend to be drawn to the classic hour-glass shape of a woman's body with a waist to hip ratio of 0.7 as this seems to imply good fertility and reproductive health and both sexes lean towards preferences for partners with symmetrical facial features.
Chemically speaking, that gooey "in love" feeling is easy to explain. Most people tend to need less sleep and food and are generally happier. The following neurotransmitters are reported to be prevalent in individuals at this particular stage as they introduce a feeling of euphoria and infatuation, namely :
Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
Norepine - Alternatively known as Adrenaline, which gets the heart pumping and the pulse racing
Serotonin - An elevated level of this is responsible for mood changes in the brain. It causes the 'love high' and can actually lead to moments of insanity. Reduced Serotonin levels can also lead to depression. Nervous yet?
Not to be left out, pheromones are also a hotly debated topic. Pheromones are generally odorless chemicals released by our bodies and detected by the Vomeronasal Organ in the nose (or VNO). Pheromones are also one of the reasons why women who spend a fair amount of time together will find their menstrual cycles synchronizing, something otherwise known as The McClintock Effect. Some researchers argue that the presence of pheromones in humans is pointless and unimportant to attracting a mate, as our noses are nowhere near as sensitive as those of animals. Others state that the VNO is indeed capable of picking up pheromones from sexually compatible individuals. Research on pheromones do indicate a slight increased level of arousal for both men and women when odors of potentially suitable mates are introduced. There has been a large amount of hypothesizing as far as this is issue is concerned so it would be difficult to give a concise answer on how truly effective pheromones are.
There are three identified phases of love. The first physical response is 'lust'. The second phase in falling in love is called 'attraction'. The third is the emotional commitment, required to make relationships last. This is 'attachment'. Teenagers for example spend more time in the 'attraction' part of the dynamic as opposed to adults who move on to 'attachment'. This could explain for the lack of duration in teenage relationships.Brain activity during this period is similar to having consumed large amounts of chocolate.
Being in a strong state of infatuation and love probably means that you are full to the brim with chemicals like serotonin for example. This sometimes makes for some interesting, if not out-of-the-ordinary, wacky behavior. Obsessive calling, compulsive gift-giving and even jealousy can be expected to be the norm. From happiness to sadness to anger to happiness again, these are all calling cards linked to the primitive brain and everything seems to smack of irrationality. Certain experts even liken the desire to be in love to be as powerful as an addiction to drugs for some. Newly smitten lovers often idealize their mate, magnifying their virtues while tolerating and ignoring their flaws explains Ellen Berscheid, a leading researcher on the psychology of love.This gives rise to that cringe-worthy phrase, 'Love is blind'.
And then there is the distinct possibility of a break-up. Not a pleasant situation to ponder on but it happens. A report in the New York Times states that 'in a series of studies, researchers have found that, among other processes, new love involves psychologically internalizing a lover, absorbing elements of the other person's opinions, hobbies, expressions, character, as well as sharing one's own.To lose all that, all at once, while still in love, plays havoc with the emotional, cognitive and deeper reward-driven areas of the brain. But the heightened activity in these areas inevitably settles down. And the circuits in the brain related to passion remain intact, the researchers say - intact and capable in time of flaring to life with someone new.'
I suppose it's all well and good to try and understand what happens to individuals in love and why we behave the way we do. But perhaps it should not be necessary to question or quantify what is surely the most exhilarating and breath-taking emotion known to humans. Maybe somethings shouldn't have to be explained. "What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." Nietzsche said that.
No other theme in life has had more songs, art or literature dedicated to it. Many an enlightened person has stated that there is a fine line between love and madness. The concept of soul-mates has been carefully considered since the beginning of time and who isn't familiar with Shakesphere's tale of star-crossed lovers Romeo And Juliet? As Hugh Grant mused in a movie not too long ago, "Love, actually, is all around."
But what happens to us when we first meet the object of our affection? That initial rush of attraction is usually nothing more than bodily biochemistry. Eye contact and body language are all related to science.
We tend to make more eye contact with visuals that we find pleasing. This is especially true in individuals that we become attracted to. Our pupils tend to dialate to indicate interest or excitement. Studies have shown that we tend to be attracted to prospective mates who's pupils dialate in return when eye contact is made. A group of men were shown two photographs of the same woman and were asked to select which picture they preferred. The photos were exactly the same with one minor adjustment. The woman's pupils had been slightly enlarged in one of them - and this was the one that was selected as a clear favorite.
It was then with great interest that I read this article on the BBC science and nature site :
"New York psychologist, Professor Arthur Arun, has been studying the dynamics of what happens when people fall in love. He has shown that the simple act of staring into each other's eyes has a powerful impact.He asked two complete strangers to reveal to each other intimate details about their lives. This carried on for an hour and a half. The two strangers were then made to stare into each others eyes without talking for four minutes. Afterwards many of his couples confessed to feeling deeply attracted to their opposite number and two of his subjects even married afterwards."
The display of body language is an art all onto itself. Men stand straighter and chests are puffed out for the strong alpha male effect. Women tend to play with their hair and draw attention to their lips and necks. Body language communicates over 50% of what we are trying to get across. Less than 40% is from our voice and tone of speaking alone and a tiny 7% is of what we are actually saying. This is why you'll probably know if you fancy someone anywhere from 90 seconds to 4 minutes of your first encounter.
Both sexes will also mirror and copy each other's behavior to a certain degree. This strongly suggests that we like people who remind us of ourselves or whom we regard as being on the same level as us.
There is also something known as the eyebrow flash when we become attracted to someone. It happens at the speed of one fifth of a second so you're not to blame if you've never noticed it. All quite subconscious, this. Another telltale sign of sexual attraction is to simply note where one's body is leaning or pointing towards. Arms, feet and toes all indicate towards a person we find attractive and while we may not be looking directly at or conversing with them, that body language does all the communicating. Playing hard to get is probably not the best idea and if it used to be part of your game plan then perhaps you should nix that. Research suggest that playing hard to get doesn't usually work. However, there is a strong theory to show that we tend to become attracted to individuals who are hard to get for everyone else, but easy for us to get. An exclusive deal, in a manner of speaking.
Men tend to be drawn to the classic hour-glass shape of a woman's body with a waist to hip ratio of 0.7 as this seems to imply good fertility and reproductive health and both sexes lean towards preferences for partners with symmetrical facial features.
Chemically speaking, that gooey "in love" feeling is easy to explain. Most people tend to need less sleep and food and are generally happier. The following neurotransmitters are reported to be prevalent in individuals at this particular stage as they introduce a feeling of euphoria and infatuation, namely :
Dopamine - Also activated by cocaine and nicotine
Norepine - Alternatively known as Adrenaline, which gets the heart pumping and the pulse racing
Serotonin - An elevated level of this is responsible for mood changes in the brain. It causes the 'love high' and can actually lead to moments of insanity. Reduced Serotonin levels can also lead to depression. Nervous yet?
Not to be left out, pheromones are also a hotly debated topic. Pheromones are generally odorless chemicals released by our bodies and detected by the Vomeronasal Organ in the nose (or VNO). Pheromones are also one of the reasons why women who spend a fair amount of time together will find their menstrual cycles synchronizing, something otherwise known as The McClintock Effect. Some researchers argue that the presence of pheromones in humans is pointless and unimportant to attracting a mate, as our noses are nowhere near as sensitive as those of animals. Others state that the VNO is indeed capable of picking up pheromones from sexually compatible individuals. Research on pheromones do indicate a slight increased level of arousal for both men and women when odors of potentially suitable mates are introduced. There has been a large amount of hypothesizing as far as this is issue is concerned so it would be difficult to give a concise answer on how truly effective pheromones are.
There are three identified phases of love. The first physical response is 'lust'. The second phase in falling in love is called 'attraction'. The third is the emotional commitment, required to make relationships last. This is 'attachment'. Teenagers for example spend more time in the 'attraction' part of the dynamic as opposed to adults who move on to 'attachment'. This could explain for the lack of duration in teenage relationships.Brain activity during this period is similar to having consumed large amounts of chocolate.
Being in a strong state of infatuation and love probably means that you are full to the brim with chemicals like serotonin for example. This sometimes makes for some interesting, if not out-of-the-ordinary, wacky behavior. Obsessive calling, compulsive gift-giving and even jealousy can be expected to be the norm. From happiness to sadness to anger to happiness again, these are all calling cards linked to the primitive brain and everything seems to smack of irrationality. Certain experts even liken the desire to be in love to be as powerful as an addiction to drugs for some. Newly smitten lovers often idealize their mate, magnifying their virtues while tolerating and ignoring their flaws explains Ellen Berscheid, a leading researcher on the psychology of love.This gives rise to that cringe-worthy phrase, 'Love is blind'.
And then there is the distinct possibility of a break-up. Not a pleasant situation to ponder on but it happens. A report in the New York Times states that 'in a series of studies, researchers have found that, among other processes, new love involves psychologically internalizing a lover, absorbing elements of the other person's opinions, hobbies, expressions, character, as well as sharing one's own.To lose all that, all at once, while still in love, plays havoc with the emotional, cognitive and deeper reward-driven areas of the brain. But the heightened activity in these areas inevitably settles down. And the circuits in the brain related to passion remain intact, the researchers say - intact and capable in time of flaring to life with someone new.'
I suppose it's all well and good to try and understand what happens to individuals in love and why we behave the way we do. But perhaps it should not be necessary to question or quantify what is surely the most exhilarating and breath-taking emotion known to humans. Maybe somethings shouldn't have to be explained. "What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil." Nietzsche said that.
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