A New Life

Published October 2009

Insomnia isn’t a pleasant thing at 5am on a Sunday morning. But given the fact that I didn’t have to schlep off to work grumpily, afforded me the luxury of movie watching - something my daily work schedule gives me little of.

I managed to catch HBO’s ‘Bernard And Doris’, starring Ralph Fiennes and Susan Sarandon in a semi-autobiographical account of the lives of billionaire tobacco heiress Doris Duke (Sarandon) and her platonic relationship with her butler Bernard Lafferty (Fiennes) – to whom Duke left a large portion of her fortune to when she passed away in 1993. This film is a sharp and cultivated examination of a woman clearly ahead of her time – Duke was a staunch philanthropist and astute businesswoman whose acumen is still the stuff of Wall Street legend – and Lafferty, a closeted recovering alcoholic who once served the likes of Elizabeth Taylor and Peggy Lee.

The power paradigms between master and servant naturally blur as the two become friends. Duke relied on Lafferty’s constant and unwavering loyalty as he proclaimed that his only interest in her was neither romantic nor financial. “I just want to take care of you,” states Lafferty when questioned point-blank by Duke about his motives. Throughout the movie, however, those close to Duke question Lafferty’s motives constantly in a somewhat predictable manner. The movie ends when Duke eventually succumbs to cardiac arrest at the age of 80 and we are left with the impression that Lafferty carries on with life as the executor of Duke’s enormous will, albeit in a very comfortable and financially secure fashion.

Not entirely satisfied with the way things ended, I did a bit of reading online. Thanks to Wikipedia, it appears as though certain fractions of Duke’s board of trustees took Lafferty to court with allegations of murdering Duke, a case which was ruled out by the Los Angeles District Attorney’s Office for lack of evidence. When this tactic failed, trustees engaged in litigation involving over 40 lawyers from 10 different law firms in an effort to discredit and remove Lafferty from his appointed post. Lafferty was eventually removed by the New York courts and died not long after, from medical complications due to alcoholism. A bitter ending, it appears.

After reading what I did, an overwhelming fact occurred to me. Money is capable of causing more damage than good in certain aspects of life. Wait, allow me to be much more specific. Excessive wealth has the capacity to destroy if not managed and handled appropriately. Sarandon’s character displayed typical defensive tactics when it came to her choice in partners. They were all young, handsome men. None of them ever stayed very long. It appeared as though she was aware of the hangers-on, those who were only after her for her obscene amount of money, and booted them off once she was done with them. Self-preservation at its finest, I would imagine.

The reason why this film gave me proverbial food for thought is also due to the fact that I came across something very unique two days ago. Andrew Paul, a British banker and millionaire, is auctioning off his life. The recently divorced father of one is looking to make a fresh start by letting go of his luxurious possessions. For a mere £20 per ticket, punters can have a go at an online competition to ‘Win A New Life’. The prizes on offer are a mansion worth £1.1 million, a brand new Aston Martin DBS worth £160,000 and a Sealine 35 Sport Motorboat worth £200,000. The winner may is also allowed to go for Option 2 - £1 million cash instead. Runners-up will be in the running for a pair of Omega Seamaster His and Her watches.

Think that the taxes and overheads will kill you in the process? Think again. Paul has made provisions for winners. The mansion comes fully furnished with all bills fully paid for a year (excluding phone bills), while the car and boat will be handed over with 12 months worth of tax and insurance all sorted out. The winner will also receive £500 worth of free tax consultation from leading British firm Samuels LLP. A great way to beat the credit crunch, enthuses Paul on his site.

While Andrew Paul’s offerings may sound great to many, I can’t help but feel a tinge of sympathy for a man adamant on starting a new life by removing objects that clearly reminded him of a difficult period. Though it has to be said that if Reuters’s calculations are correct based on the maximum total for ticket sales standing at 200,000, Paul stands to walk off with a very tidy sum of £4 million.

So maybe his motives are not simply emotional, but logical and practical too. In any event, a smart man. I will be observing the outcome of this completion which ends at 9:00am GMT on November 19^th 2009. If any of you do end up entering this chance to win a new life, please let me know how you do. And the best of luck to you.

Sources: Wikipedia.com/www.winanewlife.com/Reuters.com

You Are Who Your Friends Are

Published September 2009

I’ve always believed that to know the true nature of a person, one must examine their friends. If a seemingly cool individual is surrounded by a row of thugs or a gaggle of nasty gossips, chances are it will probably spell trouble for you in the long run.

So let’s say you’re a perfectly normal and reasonably contented individual. Look around you and take note of the first circle of friends that are closest to you. And then the circle immediately after that and so on. Examine your relationships and interactions. We all have different friends for different occasions. But it’s the ones who make a difference, and who genuinely have your best interests at heart, that matter.

THE EVERYDAY CALL MATE

Do you have a mate you can call everyday to shout out that quick hello to and whine when you’re stuck in ridiculous traffic? Nothing of serious consequence is discussed, just the usual “have you had lunch/what’s the goss” sort of chat. This is not to say that your friendship is light and full of fluff. If you’ve got a mate like this, chances are they’ll be the first one you look for whenever something heavier goes down.

THE FUNNY BUDDIES

 When you’ve had the day from hell, do you have pals who are ready to whisk you off into the sunset and steer you towards the nearest Happy Hour establishment? They may not be the Everyday Call Mate, however, their intentions are just as genuine. Chances are they’ll have you forgetting your problems in no time. These friends work best when there’s a group dynamic, each one playing off the other’s sense of humour. There will be a ton of ribbing and re-enactments of spoofs and old stories. A great formula for when you’re in the mood to sit back and let the Funny Buddies take over. Their lyrical waxing would put the writers of Saturday Night Live to shame.

THE ONE-ON-ONE FRIEND

When nothing feels right, is there someone who would happily spend the day indoors with you as you both gorge on that awesome fried chicken from Tanjung Aru town, a large bag of Cheetos and a marathon DVD session? You could be with them pretty much anywhere and have a conversation that lasts for hours on end, and it wouldn’t get tired or dull.  The One-On-One Friend is the one who coaxes and calms. And helps you to see the world through rose coloured lenses for a little while. 

I have always honestly maintained that I am far from perfect. I get grumpy on a regular basis. I have a tendency to be curt when annoyed. I’m not a huge fan of cats. When I have nothing to say I get quiet, much to the annoyance of whomever I happen to be with. If I’m irritated it shows. When I’m tired I have a tendency to contemplate my navel – easier done when a beer gut is not in the way I assure you. I can’t help it but this is who I am. I’m built with the exterior of an enthusiastic Rottweiler and I try my best to deal with it.

Someone once told me that attitudes are catchy. This means that the people who love me must be serious gluttons for punishment if they’re able to subject themselves to my typical Shan posturing and behaviour on a regular basis. Either that or they’re practically saints. Actually now that I think about it, a few of them do resemble Julie Andrews. One in particular even enjoys speaking in an excellent Julie Andrews accent when the mood strikes her.

But that is not to say that I am only ever an ogre. To the people I love I am loyal to a fault, reasonably honest, helpful, considerate and I would try my best to go out of my way if my help was needed.

Trust, loyalty, fair play. All extremely important factors when we meet someone who has the potential to be a long-term pal. One such tactic I deploy to gauge a personality is to observe how this individual treats or responds to waiters, bartenders, anyone in the service industry who has to wait on us. Simple gestures like a please or a thank you really does go a long way if you’re looking to score friendship points with me.  Another thing to bear in mind is genuine consideration towards others.

I was once having lunch with someone I was just getting to know. There was no buddy chemistry and it seemed as though there was very little in common between us. I know this sounds mean and a little arrogant but I was seriously counting the minutes until our meal was over, trying to think up some excuse to escape.

That was until an old lady walked past our table and was bumped into by a waiter who had not seen her. Said old lady slipped and fell. I had never, until that point, seen anyone move as fast as my lunch partner who proceeded to gently help her up, the whole time assuring the petrified waiter that it was an innocent mistake. When it was ascertained that the old dear was making her way out to the lobby where her son was waiting in the car, we walked her out and talked to her making sure she was okay. Lunch buddy had his arm around her the whole time until she was safely in her son’s vehicle. Her son, having had no idea what had happened to his mother until we told him, was extremely grateful and offered to pay for our meal. Lunch buddy assured him this was not necessary and as we walked back to our table, I began to look at him in a totally new light. Now we’re thick as thieves, LB and me, and we try to meet up every couple of weeks or so.

The kind of friends I like? I know this may sound tired but I gravitate towards Nice. I like the word. Nice isn’t boring or stuffy. A Nice person doesn’t necessarily have to be a prude. I’ve had many a historic night out on the town with Nice people. But it’s not all about flowers, puppies and sunshine though. Nice usually equates to Safe. Which is not a bad thing. Pair Nice together with a wicked sense of humour and my friendship is all yours.

And then we get to the bonds that tie us. I have always admired the dynamics between certain groups who have known each other since they were in diapers. That comfortableness, that ease and relaxed behaviour between them is something I’ve always envied a little.

I know this has a lot to do with the fact that I grew up in another country and all my own friends from my younger days are scattered across the globe. I don’t have that history to share when it comes to telling old school stories. It does make me long for my buddies too, but thanks to Facebook, a virtual poke or a wall post is better than nothing at all.

However, and this is where I’m going to contradict myself a little, I like the idea that the people that I have met and have gotten close to, consider me to be practically family. To know that someone values me and thinks of me as an important figure in their life does wonders for my sense of self. The least I can do to repay that trust is to be the best friend that I can.

When I turned 21 someone close to me gave me a birthday card with a sentence scribbled inside that read “Friends are the family that you choose for yourself”.

Until today that is something that still resonates as deeply today as it did when I first read it, 11 years ago.