Humour Synonyms

Published November 2008


Not too long ago I was conducting an online interview with a one Mr. Nury Vittachi. Easily South East Asia's most prominent columnist and general poker of fun at all things Asian-centric, I asked Mr. Vittachi what inspired him when it came down to finding the humour in everydayness.
"In Asia, you don't have to make up jokes," he replied. "You just have to follow the news and write it down."
A sound bit of advice from a man who was a joy to interact with and whom I learnt a great deal from. But he got me thinking in the way that writersdo, if you may permit me a small bon mot. Okay then let's be realistic. I'm a budding scribbler with daydreams of becoming a published author in my own right. But in the meantime I get to flex my figurative muscles and somewhat predictable wordplay out on the gentle readers of this fine column who are quite possibly groaning aloud by this point my inconsequential fluffing. Cough.

I suppose what I am trying to get at is that I would like to be a better humour writer. Comedy isn't easy guys. Believe me when I say that as I have a whisper of experience in this department. Sometime last year I had signed up for a 10 week online humour writing course with New York based and world renowned Gotham Writers' Workshop. My dalliances with comedy of the literary sort were truly an experience that I still have very fond memories of. And the open praise from my lecturer Siobhan Adcock in stating that I was the "reigning gross-out master of the class" is a moniker that I still have fond memories of. As I was reminded several times over, humour is a skill that requires effort, study, work and lots of practise. And a pretty bizarre take on life I suspect.

Not too long ago I was given a quote which I play over in my head every so often : "Everyone likes to think that they have a sense of humour. Just as they like to believe that they are good drivers." I conducted a little experiment of sorts on several upstanding individuals and the results were interesting to say the least. Now whether or not said individuals are indeed fine comedians and possess the skills and prowess that would put Massa to shame on the F1 circuit is irrelevant. The point to my little analytical observation on the human psyche is that the above-mentioned statement is indeed true to a point. We all think we're pretty funny. And that and we're awesome drivers too.

Whenever I'm feeling a little blah and a bit too serious (which never helps budding comedic writers unless you're Woody Allen), I turn to a fine, shining example of writerhood ; Mimi Smartypants.
Ms. Smartypants is a pseudonym for quite possibly the most hilarious Chicago native unleashed on the literatti in a very long time. A wife, mother and author of her very own book, The World According To Mimi Smartypants, (solely based on entries from her blog) publishing house paragon Harper Collins felt she had enough chops to be put on paper and so they went ahead and the rest, as they say, is history. Mimi Smartypants exhibits humour, hangovers and a touch of hypochondria all rolled into some very easy, laugh-out-loud-variety reading.

A small excerpt from one of her recent postings :

"Today I decided that I really hate my laugh. I was laughing at something and for one terrible self-aware moment I clearly heard myself, and I had the high-pitched giggle of an unhinged Muppet. So I played around a while with ways to change it, but I quickly ran out of funny stuff to laugh at so the experiment was abandoned. Right now I am alone in the house and drinking a lot of tea, having a maniacal typing and reading marathon. Something struck me funny in the middle of this caffeine-a-thon and I found myself laughing by actually saying 'Ha Ha Ha'. This is not an improvement over the Muppet thing so I give up."

Mimi Smartypants may be found at www.smartypants.dairyland.com

When Writer's Block Strikes

Published August 2008

I will be honest. Up until the 11th hour and at the risk letting my very understanding, very kind (and by now somewhat ready to drop kick me across the room) editor down, I resigned myself to the fact that I was suffering from a severe form of writer's block. I spent the last few days heeing and hawing about possible topics that would hopefully not render readers into a zombified deep sleep brought about by sheer boredom - but instead be deemed as interesting. Or at best, funny.

When writing for this column I try my best to be as politically correct and as inoffensive as I can - which is usually an uphill task for me. In real life I am regularly unPC and interestingly offensive in person. But somehow I manage to get away with it. Either I'm better looking than I think and people find it charming (sadly unlikely) or I have some very kind friends (which sounds more like it).

A fellow writer recently suggested that I should treat this column as if it were an extension of my blog. And for today, that idea goes down very well with me. I have decided to share snippets of my life by way of interesting observations that have either sparked my interest or simply tickled the figurative funny bone.

WHILE IN THE ELEVATORI work in a prominent building in the central business district in Kota Kinabalu. Not only does this place have a ton of offices under its belt, there are also about a million people who make their way here on a daily basis to shop and to eat. While crammed inside the elevator the other day I spotted a man and a woman canoodling and cooing to each other. While this is not an unusual sight, what grabbed my attention were their respective shirts. The woman was wearing a top with the words "He Is My Prince" proudly printed across it. Not to be outdone her male counterpart's shirt read "She Is My Princess".
I stifled a condescending snort and tried hard to look elsewhere.
In the same elevator I then spotted another woman wearing a badge that read "Lose Weight Now. Ask Me How!"
I'll be honest and admit that I truly did want to ask her how. If only she looked as if she was losing some weight that is. Yes, she had girth.
I'll also admit to feeling a bit left out as I don't have shirts with slogans on them or attention grabbing badges. I then made a mental note to go shopping. Fashion police be darned.

YOU'RE JUST NOT THAT CUTE ENOUGH
So the Olympics are upon us. And China has done its best to exhibit, with all the pomp and circumstance it can muster, just how it can kick it Asian style to the rest of the world. Dalliances with human rights groups and topics of air pollution were, for a limited time, downplayed as everyone settled in to watch and appreciate some truly stellar levels of sports.
 I'm sure millions of people tuned in to the opening ceremony and I'll admit to being wowed by the sheer amount of planning that went in to it. A visual feast, that was.

Sadly however, we were made aware of certain distasteful goings-on behind the scenes.
I'm sure we've all heard that little Lin Miaoke who performed China's national anthem "Ode To The Motherland" at the opening ceremony was actually lip syncing. The reasons given for this were that

a) The original singer Yang Peiyi was deemed 'not cute enough'

b) The child on camera “should be flawless in image, internal feelings, and expression,” stated officials.

The reason behind all of this? “National interest,” they said.

Somehow this still leaves me with a very bad taste in my mouth as it clearly seems to undermine the true nature of the Olympic Games, the solidarity and humanity of it all. Not cool, China. Not cool at all.

WHILE ON SKYPE TODAY
Anyone here not familiar with a certain computer software program called Skype? Right a brief introduction then. Skype is very simply a communications tool that allows you to send instant messages online, as well as make phone calls. Many happy hours have been spent by yours truly, annoying office colleagues with burning questions such as "What time are we having lunch?", "Can we eat soon?", "Are you hungry yet?" and the like. I'm sure you get the drift. Some very serious and highly technical banter indeed.

What I had not encountered until only a few short hours ago was Skype spam. No not the processed meat in a tin but junk mail. Usually advertising some get-rich-quick scheme or another. I was reaching for the delete button when I noticed the last paragraph in the spam message :

"Start your Journey With Us Today!
(If you are not interested, thousand sorry for disturb!)."

I had visions of unleashing a thousand sorry-for-disturbs on innocent, unsuspecting individuals. Could you even begin to imagine the amount of pandemonium I could cause? A very pleasant thought indeed as I rub my hands together with some measured level of glee while I try to reign in my imagination before it runs awry.

MEN, CATCALLING AND STRATEGEMSCountless women friends have relayed stories on the unsmoothness of men and the efforts put forth in attempting to gain the attention of the fairer sex. Apart from the whistling, childish posturing and general noisemaking, men seem to be applying the singing technique. What is it? Imagine you're just walking along, doing your thing. One guy spots you and in an effort to get you to notice him, will sprout off and display his vocal prowess. Usually cheesy, annoying love songs are the picks of choice. It doesn't matter if this chap has a voice that could scare off Genghis Khan and the invading Mongol hordes, he will sing and do his level best to make sure you take note of him at the very least.

A blogging friend relayed a story the other day about how she was walking to her car while being serenaded to by a gentleman who was clearly trying to get her to notice him.

"Did he stop?" I asked

"No," she replied. "He sang louder. What did he expect me to do? Am I supposed to come to a stop, giggle, bat my eyelids and twirl my hair with a finger and coyly say, "Why hello there stranger."?'

The lady had a point.

There simply has to be some secret classes being conducted out there which  teach the lads on how to approach women with these superfly smoothness techniques. Love Songs Butchering 101? How To Get Any Woman You Want Simply By Making Annoying Kissing Sounds?

That's pretty much it for this week. In next week's column I'll be interviewing Jen Pinkowski, noted freelance writer and contributor to that pantheon of great writing, the New York Times. Jen is in town for a few days as a tourist and from what I understand is enjoying her first visit to Sabah a great deal.